Why I got married at 20.

On May 31st 2008, I made a commitment to my wife and to God to love and honor her for the rest of my life. I was 20 years old.

You may be thinking as many people did then that we were too young to get married.

I read this quote…

I’m so afraid of marriage, what if you marry someone and have kids with them and then they decide they don’t love you anymore. It’s scary.

This fear is common among many people when thinking about marriage. Today 50% of marriages end in divorce. It is hard to gamble with your emotions with stakes this high. This is why believers need to be married to someone of the same faith.

2 Corinthians 6:14

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

When two people get married they must have the same mindset or they will pull each other in different directions. This causes strife and separation in marriage. Marriage is a union of two people. When I got married at 20 I really believed in this connecting. The Bible tells that when two people get married they are not just having a party celebrating living together.

Genesis 2:24

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

They will become one flesh. The man and woman were United and became one flesh. This does not mean once they get married they get to have the same last name. It doesn’t say once they have sex they have a lot of deep feelings of love and attraction for each other.

No! It says they became one flesh. The husband and wife are two halves of the same person…I never dreamed that my right arm would cut off my left because the thumb was on the wrong side. This is how I viewed marriage.

When I was younger my younger sister watched dragon tails. It’s a show about a brother and sister who visited the land of dragons and they were friends, one of the dragons was two headed. This is similar to what happens after marriage. The man and woman become a person with two heads. They are one flesh, but they can still have two minds. This is a problem because if one head tries to turn right and the other tries to turn left they will start to have tension and both will get hurt. Genesis says they become one flesh, but it is a continual process to become likeminded. The man and woman are physically, emotionally, and spiritually connected,  but their thoughts and actions need to grow for each other. This process is seen often in relation to the Believer’s connection with Christ.

Romans 12:2

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

This is how we are to live for Christ, however, marriage is a picture of the church’s relationship to Christ.

Ephesians 5:21-25

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Paul wrote that the husband and wife need to follow Christ’s example within their marriage. This is a denying one’s self in order to elevate the other. In Philippians Paul breaks it down like this…

Philippians 2:1-8

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in HUMILITY value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

In your relationships with one another (Spouse),

have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—

even death on a cross!

All believes are to be united with Christ and become LIKE-MINDED. In a marriage relationship the man and woman are united and become one flesh after this happens they must continuously work toward becoming like-minded humbling themselves in order to seek the other person’s best interest. This is how marriages become strong and lasting.

However…we are evil and this is impossible without the work of the Holy Spirit inside both spouses. Without this miraculous work within the believer the ability to become of the same love, Spirit, and mind will be impossible.

2 Chronicles 7:14

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land (household or marriage).

Pray for your marriage…pray for your parents marriage…pray for your neighbors marriage…pray for your church families marriages…pray for your pastors marriage.

…Was I too young to get married? No, because my wife and I had grown up in the church together. I knew I needed to love her like Christ loved the church and she knew she needed to honor or respect me the way the church honors Christ.

However, it was not easy. We knew what we should do, but we still needed to grow in our like-mindedness and humility. We were very young, but I thank God, He was there with us helping us to learn and grow as a newly marriage couple. But this learning and growing doesn’t have anything to do with our age it has everything to do with the continuous process of becoming like Christ for the other person!

God Bless!


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